HELP hurting so bad

[Beth Byrd]

I am really hurting. I do have a lot of support from my children but I do not burden them with this. My husband passed of cancer on Aug 1 2014 and I was visiting his grave site on Aug 1 2015  when I got a call to come to see my sister right away. My son drove me the two hour drive to be with her for the last time. I spent the night with her, she was still awake but had the death rattle so bad you could hear it all over the house. She ask me to get in bed with her so she could comfort me... her baby sister that she loved so much. Imagine that she was dying but still comforting me. She had no medical problems to speak of except she had a massive stroke that had left her unable to walk. That was about three years ago. She was fine until her daughter, my niece died unexpectedly about 9 weeks ago from a lung infection.
After she lost her daughter she gave up and died from a broken heart. There is no other cause of death. How can you be fine one day and have the death rattle the next? I loved her so much as she was the Matriarch of our family since my parents died over 43 years ago when I was eleven years old.. I haven't even begun to deal with losing my husband of over twenty years. The pain is so bad that I can hardly get up. All this mixed grief for my husband niece and sister is just too much to handle on my own. What am I supposed to do with all this? I have to go back to work on Monday and I can barely move. I am screaming on the inside and sometimes on the outside when no one can hear but me. I want my husband and I want my family back. I can't take much more. I am a very strong person and have had a  of tragedy in my life. I lost my parents and three brothers before I turned 26. I have dealt with it but now I am 56 and I feel like I just can't take it anymore.