Losing Three Loved Ones

[Sharon Dalton]

My heartache is sometime to much bear.  My husband was rushed to the ER on Nov. 29, 2013 and was diagnosed with liver cancer on Dec. 1, 2013 and was only given 3-6mos to live.  And then my mother in law was diagnosed with bone cancer 2 weeks after my husbands diagnoses and she was in the hospital and was only expected to live 3mos at the most.  On Feb. 5, 2014 my mother was rushed to the ER and he was diagnosed having a severer stroke and was transferred immediately to in-patient hospice and was only given a couple to months to live. 

My husbands family lives in OH and we live in DE.  His mother passed on March 4, 2014 and my husband could not attend the funeral due to his severer illness and it broke his heart he couldn't be there.  It broke my heart too. 

My husband was then again rushed to the ER on Feb 22, 2014 and was there for 7 days.  He was given the opportunity to be transferred to in-patient hospice or to go home and have hospice come there.  He chose to be home.  He passed on March 26, 2014. 

In the meantime, my mother was at in-patient hospice and after my husband passed I tried to be with her but my grief and sadness was still pointed to my husband and I had a difficult time trying deal with everything.  She passed on April 29, 2014. 

People told me that GOD will only give you what you can handle.  Boy oh Boy, GOD must think I'm a Bad Ass Women.

I have been seeing a grieving counselor with hospice and she has really helped me through everything and my doctor has me on a depression med called Lexapro.  It helps but I feel numb and have no emotions.  I am trying my hardest to continue my life with these loved ones, but my husbands passing is the most difficult.  I miss him so much.  He was my world and now my world without him doesn't seem right.  Trying to find a new life is so difficult.  I don't know who I am or how to move on.  Its an everyday struggle to move on.  My grief counselor thought it would be helpful for me to join a chat room to share my grief and to hear other people on how they have dealt with their losses. 

I do need help.  My friends are great, they keep me busy with concerts, shopping, etc.  But they do not know what it is like for me.  I put on a happy face and pretend I'm ok but deep down inside I'm not.