Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

"Life sucks."-Everyday when I wake up, that's seriously what I think. Just one simple yet harsh sentence, phrased into two words. And let me tell you why. Three of my closest friends have been ripped out of my life forever and I got betrayed by another friend of mine. Who wouldn't think that after all that loss? Being the friend I am, I remember that I stubbornly refused to accept the fact that two of my friends have taken their lives (after vowing that they valued life). They used to tell me everything (literally, everything) that's on their mind. That's how close we were. And yet, on that fateful day, I just stood there in shock, my mind whirling with endless thoughts as it felt like a huge storm cloud was hovering me. Now they've left me with some questions that can never be answered and they play over and over again like a broken tape recorder: "Did I miss something?" and "Why didn't they tell me?" are just two of the thousand questions that are whirling in my head on most days like a tornado. My third friend perished from a volcano eruption. Receiving the news was a shock to me as it was quite unexpected and scarred me even more. And I must admit, reliving again and again in these thoughts is like stabbing someone with a sharpened rock. But I don't know how to stop reliving those painful memories. My heart breaks and yearns for them to come back, but knowing that it isn't possible pains me more. Nothing can describe my longing to see them again, my love for them stretches out bigger than the sea, the the world, to infinity.

NOTE: This is known to be a very sensitive topic and might trigger some people, I would like to apologise if I've triggered anyone.

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