Dear Emmy, please don’t fault yourself for grieving. You went through an immensely traumatic experience. I can’t imagine what the doctor was thinking turning you away. It seems like you did everything you could. You sought help, but it was denied. But it’s also natural to look back on trauma and agonize over whether there was something you did wrong. I don’t think there is a time limit for grief, and if you are still grieving after two years, it’s your right. To be honest, two years is really not that long for a mother to grieve the loss of a child. I don’t think any reasonable person would believe otherwise. But no one is emotionally strong enough to sustain you through constant grief, not even those who love you dearly. You need to spread it out. Go to grief groups who meet for an hour or two a week or month for mutual emotional support just so that you can cry and let it out in a safe place without fear of judgement or the pressure to “move on”. These people are there for no other reason than to share in grief. That will help you to allow your other emotions to recover and present themselves when you are with your friends and loved ones.
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