grieving

[Georgeann - Smith]

My husband died 6 months ago. He was my life. Everything revolved about him, I didn't realize this until he died. I now have no routine. I immediately went into therapy to try and help me accept his death and my therapist just released me saying that I was just grieving deeply that there was nothing wrong with me and that it needed to run its course. We were together for 46 years. He was a fun man, lived life fully. Always had a smile on his face. Loved deeply. Played deeply. Had been retired for about 8 years due to his heart. His bad heart never slowed him down. If he was outdoors he was happy. Loved to fish and hunt. Loved his family and especially loved his 2 granddaughters who lived far away. That was one of his deepest regrets that he wouldn't get to see them.

I struggle everyday without him. I was 20 years old when we met. We clicked the first day we met and dated from then on. We were married 9 months later and pregnant. Never regretted that. Knew we wanted children right away. Thought I would get pregnant on my honeymoon. 

Raised 4 wonderful children. 

I am still working. Hoping to see my business as I am self employed. I am wore out. I take care of the disabled and the elderly. I have done this for 25 years. No one in town with me. I have never lived alone went from my mothers house to my husbands. This is hard and scary. Evenings and weekends long and lonely.

I pray that I will feel his presence but I don't. Cry all of the time and I am not a crier. Nothing makes me happy, no where I want to go. Hate change.

I need to talk to someone in the same situation. No close friends.