Lost my son in April miscarried in Oct need help

[Eve]

I lost my first child in April. I delivered at 20 weeks and 5 day. The hospital wouldn't list to me and now I am left with no answers. I got pregnant again in Aug and was told I had a molar pregnancy ( the fetus doesn't form just the placenta) and a cornial pregnancy ( in the edge of the tube). I was told I would have to abort but I had and MRI and prayed. The doctor was wrong about the cornial pregnancy but not the molar. My child had a chance but it would be a struggle with the molar. Its rate so there was lots of time spent in the hospital explaining and being checked. In Oct I went in for period type bleeding and it got to be life threating. We found out we miscarried and had to have a d and c to remove the molar or I would die from blood loss. They couldn't find my baby. Now Im ripped apart that my child was lost in the massive amount of blood and is in the landfill or was in the toliet. Everyone says the baby was so small at 11 weeks that there was nothing that could have been changed that its ok. I am that babies mom and I cant stand that I couldn't even bury my child. My son was buried and so I feel guilty when I visit him. Im so broken.