Not ready

[Rebecca]

My father was diagnosed with non-specific cancer two months ago. It had spread to the point that they couldn't find the source but wanted to do chemo. Other minor medical issues ended up causing him to stop eating and drinking and two weeks ago he was placed in ICU. I was sure he was going to pass and said my goodbyes. A few days and a couple procedures later he was seeming better and doctors began to get optimistic. I drove 4 hours home feeling a bit relieved but knowing it wouldn't be for long.
I got the call today that he has decided he's ready to go. Doctors told him earlier that he won't get strong enough to start chemo and now it's a waiting game.
I want to be there by his side but it could be a few days or a month. I can't stop my life to wait but it's hard being so far away. I'm scared he'll pass when I'm not there. I'm terrified of living after he's gone. He'll miss his daughter's weddings and meeting his grandchildren. He's so young at only 60 and I'm so mad he's dying.
My friends and boyfriend are here for me, but it's not enough. I feel like they just don't understand.

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Rebecca.

Thank you for sharing your feelings.  I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your father.  Communication is key to understanding and healing so you're doing a great thing.  None of us is ready to lose a loved one.  The only positive is that you have a few days or a month to prepare for the acceptance of the reality.  Many members here never got to say good-bye ....   It's probably not comforting, but I hope you are able to spend quality time with your dad.  You're right, people who haven't gone through a loss can't understand.  But we do and we're here for you. 

I pray this site provides Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.

Big Hug,

Judy

Founding member   

[maryellenmcquown]

i am so sorry if you want to talk i am here 

[Rebecca]

He passed on September 4th, the 6 year anniversary of my best friends suicide. One day at a time... The struggle is unreal.

[Lulu]

Hi Rebecca

Sorry you lost your father he was at a young age. The struggles before his passing were harsh and now that his gone its another journey. Like you said one day at a time, nothing else we could do but remember better days he spend by your side that will keep a smile in your face. Keep the faith and hope.