Still hurting

[Jessenia Rawson]

My name is Jessenia and I'm 17 years old. I lost my grandma on April 10, 2012 and I know it's been long time but I can't get over the fact she's really gone. I know I have to get on with my life but when I do things that are supposed to be fun I can't do them because I feel I'm disappointing her by not missing her. I want to move on but I just can't. I have these dreams where sometimes I think she's still alive and when I wake up from those dreams I immediately grab my phone and dial here phone number but then I realize she probably isn't going to answer. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm physically and mentally drained. I used to be a straight-A student and know I'm failing more than half of my high school classes. I just can't seem to concentrate. I went to see someone to talk about this with but all they did was prescribe me antidepressants and those never worked. I can't talk to my mom because she's drunk half the time and my dad spends all his time working on cars. My friend told me about this website and told me it really helped her. So I thought I would see for myself.

[Marcie]

Jessica, my name is Marcie and I lost my mom in 2002. What you are experiencing in normal. Sometimes in my grief no one could say anything to make me feel any better. I only wished to hug someone who understood my pain. You are not alone and there are people out here who care. You may not want to hear this right now but it does get better with time, sure I still have a dream about my mom being alive and I wake up and want to call her and then remember she is gone. Someone once told me that I had my mom everyday of my life for 22 years so, it was normal for me to wake up and her be there. forgive yourself, to be kind and patient with your grief and try to find a little peace each day.  time doesnot heal all wounds but the pain will lessen. hope this helps.

[Laurene Johnson]

Lets start with there is no time limit on grief. Your Grandmother must have been very important to you. The more we love the more we hurt. Your age group has a difficult time with loss, because of lack of life experience, lack of support system with peers. Most of your friends have not lost someone, and if they have they may not have had the same relationship as you do.
First your grandmother is not disappointed in you for having fun, if she loved you then to see you in so much pain is hard for her, when my Husband died I wanted to feel my pain I felt somehow it kept me going, my children reminded me daily that he would want me to be happy. Your grandmother loves you and wants you to be happy.
I had to laugh a little at your dreams, I did that when my mother died, woke up had a full conversation with her and woke up with the phone in my hand. So how can you talk to your grandmother, just talk out loud, or start writing to her in a journal. It funny how she will answer, example I got asked out on a date with Brad, in your head you hear what she would have said, see you always know just what she would say. Those memories never go away.
Now your grades, they are a reflection of grief with not able to concentrate, grief can consume your thoughts, making it difficult to keep your school work straight in your head. I wish I had an answer to make this easier, except what did she want in the future for you, college? If so you need to bring them up. When it comes to school work focus on that,the future she wanted for you,if A grades are to hard, then set a goal of C, then B, then A.
You can find happiness again, but it will only come with small changes you make. And yes this website really helped me. Let me know how you are doing. Don't be to hard on yourself, grief takes many turns, and how we grieve is a personal thing. This website is safe, we don't judge, we've been there.

[maryellenmcquown]

i know that pain