too many losses in to short of time...

[kelly patricia]

I've never been one of those types whom was particularly above average at expressing myself to those closest to me... mainly because I have spent my life being the one others turn to for guidance and strength in times of sorrow or despair... a beautiful trait given to me by my father,  he was our rock against the waves. 

I more than often find myself doing or saying anything and everything to and for everyone else in order to in some way calm their storms. I was told recently by a friend that I needed to start reaching my own hand out and asking and accepting help with trying to cope with my own personal losses... and since I have always found comfort in the written word as well having been blessed with a talent of to write different things that have carried the compliments of "eloquent" and "emotionally beautiful",  I found myself here.... hoping that among strangers passing through the same dark days as I, I'd hoped to find a bit of peace.

My biological father skipped town when I was 6 months old, not to worry... he's a terrible person and my life was all the sweeter without him. My mother met my dad when I was 6 months old and they married when I was 10. He took me in as his own blood and never questioned his love for me or made me feel I wasn't his "real" child. He raised me with integrity,  honesty, and forgiveness. He showed nothing but compassion and patience with a little girl with slight abandonedment issues. We were inseparable. I, his "sweet baby girl" (even in my late 20's) and he, my pillar of strength and courage.  We were very close.

He did this for 28 years.

He passed away last winter.... 3 weeks after his brother who also took me in and loved me like I was his blood... we were also very close. 

a week after my uncles passing, a dear friend whom I'd known since grade school and would often turn to on those nights when the tears just wouldnt stop, was hit on his motorcycle and taken to the hospital where he died 45 minutes later.

and just two nights ago, the last remaining piece of my dad I had to hold on to, his beloved dog, died in my arms. 

I do not fully understand what I expect to gain from telling this story to you, after all, I think its safe to say we've grown weary (yet never ungrateful) of the standard head tilt quickly followed by the ever so popular "ohhh dear, im sorry. Are you alright?" That must come from the inside of a book jacket wrapped around pages titled "how in the hell do I deal with people in this state of mind". Small attempt at humor. 

So, for now ill leave it at that... even if I get nothing from anyone, it has felt comforting to simply write it down.

all my support and compassion, 

Kelly

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Kelly,

Welcome to Grief Hope Network and thank you for sharing your story and your feelings.  You're a beautiful and heartfelt writer.  It does seem too contrite to say, I am so sorry for all your loss.  You have made a BIG first step in reaching out to others who know how you feel.  I am glad that it was comforting to you in writing down your thoughts.       

All members here have empathy for what you are going through.  I'm recovering from the loss of my mother in February.   My husband passed away in 2004 and I started this site to help others a few years ago.  Please reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats.  The chat room tends to have more people in it at night.  The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too.  I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.  You take good care of yourself.  BIG hug!    

God bless,

Judy

Founding member

[Paul Terrance]

Hi Kelly,

I just joined this site tonight on a whim, I wondered if there is anyone out there that could put in to words what goes on in my head. I stumbled upon your discussion and it felt like your words were my own. When I was 8 years old my older sister who was like a second mom to me was murdered by her ex boyfriend leaving behind a 3 month old son. It took me many years to heal from the wounds and move on...2 years ago today I lost my wife in Mexico while we were on our honeymoon, we weren't even 24 hours into our first vacation away from our 2 little girls when we decided to take a picture on our balcony with 2 new friends we had met on our resort. I volunteered to take the picture of the 3 of them as I did the glass balcony broke and the 3 of them fell 3 stories..the other 2 people have recovered but I lost my wife that night ..I was held in a Mexican hospital until my father "my rock" could find a way to find me and bring me home..the one and only person that could pull me out of the dream and remind me that I have 2 little girls that need me at home. Next week will be the first year mark that cancer took my father. In 6 short years I have fallen in love, became a father of 2 ,married my best friend and lost her 2 months later, Got through the first year and lost my dad.  This is the first time I have ever been able to tell my story so thank you for sharing. Maybe its through others strengths that are in a similar "state of mind" and have been in the deep dark depths of grief that we have that we can begin to heal and rebuild.