Best friend death

[Erin]

Hey. I haven't been on a site like this before so I'm not really sure it works, but I'm gonna give it a try.

About a year ago I made a friend online— I know that a lot of people feel like online friends aren't as close as real life friends, but she really was. During the year I knew her I moved 3 schools and lost touch with nearly all of my real life friends, and was diagnosed with depression & anxiety. I was pretty much constantly talking to her, and she helped me through so much.

But ever since she was a kid she had a terminal illness, and long story short, over the past 6 months there were complications. About 2 months she was allowed to go home from hospital because there wasn't anything else the doctors could do for her. It's been a month since she last messaged me, and seeing as we used to talk daily, I've had to assume the worst.

I've been dealing with it, though. Don't get me wrong, it's been hard, but I've been managing. Except tonight something happened and I can't stop thinking about her.

On a site she used she scheduled a post to post today for another one of her friends. It was really personal to their friendship and in it she mentioned scheduling another post for them for their birthday. She said in it that when her brother died something like that really would've helped. And, I don't know, maybe it's selfish of me to be so upset, but she didn't leave anything for me. She didn't schedule anything for my birthday a few weeks ago.

I just really want some form of closure. It's so painful not knowing for definite what happened. I have no way to contact anyone who knew her. I have no one to talk to about it either because she was the one I always went to for this kind of thing. I don't know. I think I could just use some kind of support, or something.

If anyone has anything to say I'd really appreciate it, thanks.

[Tawny]

Have you tried to find her Facebook page? If she has one, you could look at her friend list and contact someone from it. Maybe some one she talked to you about. This way you can share a memory with them. And your shared grief

[Lulu]

From what i could gather maybe she was to ill to schedule a birthday post she most likely didnt get the opportunity to do so but from what you say about her it sounds like she would have defiantly done so if she was feeling better. Maybe she felt she would be able to have the time to post it and time wasnt on her side. She sounds like an amazing person that helped you as much as she did even when she was going through her illness. Hold on to that and try and see that everything else was positive about your friendship. I would call the hospital she was in and try and get some information on her maybe write a letter like the one you shared with us and maybe you will get some answers. Best of luck.