I have lost my mother and stepmother both to cancer within a 10 month period

[Amy Parks]

This all starts back to last July 2014. My stepmother was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer, and given three months to live. It was automatically stage 4 cancer. She lived two months after, passing away on September 8th, 2014. We were close, and my father was married to her for 14 years. That was just the start of what would be my year of pain, grief and hell on earth. Just a month after this, in October 2014, my mother and best friend gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it started out stage 3. It progressively got worse, and after her being in and out of the hospital with chemo and radiation for 2 months, she finds out that it didn't do any good, and it was spreading to her lungs, and then it was "downgraded" to stage 4 and they made her a terminal cancer patient, telling her there was nothing else they could do and gave her 3 months to live. After being in hospice care for just a month after the doctors saying that, she passed away on July 30th, 2015 at home. I live in a different state from my family, they are in Virginia while I am in Georgia. I flew down there her last two weeks of life and took care of her, spend time with her, and watched her while she seemed to just fade away little by little. I was lucky to have one last conversation with her saying all we needed to say to each other. She passed away two days after our goodbye conversation. I flew home two days before she died, because I would not of been able to handle seeing her take her last breath and I needed my husband when it happened who wasn't with me at the time. We drove down for the viewing and funeral, and I feel like I was just in a daze, like I was outside of my body watching everything happen, almost like a robot. I came home with a SUV full of my mom's belonging, she left me almost everything in her will. I have all of her memories and heirlooms to pass along if I ever have children which I am thankful for. 

 

Since I have been home, I seem to have days where I just can't cry at all, and other days where all I do is cry all day, and can't stop. My heart feels so heavy and full of pain, like a bowling ball is sitting on my chest. I talked to my mom every day on the phone and not being able to speak to my mother for two weeks now is pure torture. What I would give to hear her voice again, or hear her laugh. I don't know how to move on, and live on without her. I wake up each day and just seem to go through the motions because I have to. She wasn't just my mother but my best friend so I feel like I lost two people in one here.

 

I am now without a mother figure in my life and I am only 34 years old. I feel too young to be having to go through so much loss and pain. I don't have any children either and now I am afraid to because I don't have a mother to help me with my pregnancy and teach me how to be a mother. I am also now the only girl in my family and all I have is my dad and two brothers. We all live in different states, and my only local support is my husband, but he works 6 days a week and long hours. I don't have any friends in person because I do not drive. I don't know who to turn to. I am a christian and I do believe in God but with all of these things happening, my faith has been a bit shaken, and the questions of why God? seem to cross my lips quite a bit. I don't see the bigger picture in all of this. I know they are both in heaven, but I just want them here with me. Why take both of my mom's? 

 

I don't know if I am alone in feeling like this, I hope someone understand where I am coming from. I could use someone to lean on, talk to and some support from someone who knows how I feel and what I am going through. Thank you for reading.

[Judy Davidson]

Hi Amy,

Welcome to Grief Hope Network and thank you for sharing your story and your feelings.  I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and stepmother within 10 months.  That is a lot to deal with.  You have come to the right place to get some support from people who know how it feels and what you're going throug.  

I was 9 when my father passed away.  My son was 4 when his dad (my husband) made his early departure to heaven.  What I know for sure is that communication is key to grief recovery.  You have made a BIG first step in reaching out to others who know how you feel.   

All members here have empathy for what you are going through.  I'm also recovering from the loss of my mother in February.   My husband passed away in 2004 and I started this site to help others a few years ago.  Please reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats.  The chat room tends to have more people in it at night.  The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too.  I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow.  You take good care of yourself.  BIG hug!    

God bless,

Judy

Founding member

[Lulu]

To question God and ask why is normal I dont know if you will ever get your answer but what i do know is that he will be the only one that will see you through this i know this because I also lived it I was angry and confused but in all that pain i knew I would find my way through because he was there waiting for me. 

Heaven is a beautiful place and if they had a choice to come back Im sure they wouldnt all we could do is live our lives the best we can and join them in do time. Hold on tight to your faith and you will be okay.