My daughter

[Sylvia]

So I just recently lost my baby Olivia. She was my first child. And she was my Miracle baby. I'm having trouble dealing with the anger and emptiness I feel. My sister and cousin are both having girls as well. It's been extremely hard to be happy for them when I feel so terrible inside. Has anyone gone through this or has an opinion on how to cope with what I'm going through?

[Debbie Wright]

Sylvia, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. My heart goes out to you. I understand all the anger and coping issues but know these are all part of greiving. I loss my grandson at just 22 months old in Oct 2011. To this day I still cry daily . In the beginning of my journey through my grief, death at this point to me I no longer feared. I wanted to go be with my grandson. My anger and pain was unbearable and I was so frustrated with everyone telling me with time things will get better. Well it has been almost 1 1/2 yrs and It is easier. The emptiness it will never leave me and the tears maybe they will subside maybe not. but i am feeling like I can start to move forward.

Your grief is so recent give yourself time. What you are feeling is normal. We all greive differently. Its ok to have these feelings and don't let any one tell you different. I have friends children neieces nephews all having babies and I try to get excited but i can't. It does not mean that i don't care or I will not love them. I just can not feel that happiness with my little grandson not here. I go once a month to compassionate friends. They all have experience the same thing.  Loss of a child. The one thing i find comfort in, is knowing that I will see my grandson again. I have a strong faith in God and believe in His promises. I will be praying for you. Compassionate friends has a saying and a braclet that says. FOREVER IN MY HEART. and our little ones are. Please let me know how your doing.

God Bless you.

[Sylvia]

Debbie.
Thank you so much for your post. I finally have Olivia home with me now. We received her urn yesterday. I am so sorry to hear about your grandson. I'll be thinking of you and I'm happy to hear that you are feeling a little better now. I am glad to hear that my feelings that I'm going through are not wrong. I'm just trying to take it day by day.

[kathleen Gauden]

Sylvia, I know exactly how you feel, I lost my first born, I too had a daughter, who I named Daisy Marie ("Marry"), she died during birth due to the cord being too thin, having no jelly and being around her neck three times! I had her on my 19th Birthday, 28th April 2012 and ever since have felt incredibly angry about it every day. But there are days when I will feel alright and usually these are the days when I get to go up to talk to Daisy at her grave side. (We had her buried as they told us that we may not be able to have any ashes as she was so little). But I do fully understand how you feel, So many people around me are getting pregnant again and again and I just feel so jealous,  I can't even look at someone else's baby girl without breaking into tears at times, The best advice I can give you is to talk to someone who understands because it does help as you are not alone. I mean today I am alright but maybe tomorrow I may be upset about it, but of course as soon as 28th April comes around I am only going to be thinking of my little girl who will be 1. I feel empty without my little girl and I really wish I could hold her one last time, to smell her and see her beautiful face and her lovely black curly hair. I know she is safe up in heaven, but this doesn't stop my heart feeling heavy knowing she isn't with me physically, I know she is in my heart and in my head but it really doesn't make up for what happened. Be assured that your feelings are not wrong because we all feel the same, you are doing the right thing by wanting to take it day by day because it is the easiest way to do it, try to think she is safe and you have her watching over you everyday, that is what I am doing and it does make things a little easier, but I will also always be here to help if you ever need it, the one thing you do need is someone else who can understand and talk to you on your down days and not judge you for your feelings at the same time.