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Please share the reason(s) why you joined this site?: My son committed suicide

At 12:57pm on July 6, 2015, Judy Davidson said…: Welcome to Grief Hope Network! Please let us know how we can help. Add your picture to your profile and feel free to share pictures of your loved one so we can get to know you better. Read the blog posts on the Home Page and check out the book recommendations. You can also connect with other members by reading their blog posts and discussions in the forum. Scheduled chat sessions are under the Events tab. We pray that you find Help for Today & Hope for tomorrow...
Gratefully,
Judy Davidson
Founding Member

At 4:15pm on July 6, 2015, Zyn said…: It sucks because I was the one that found him. I am an medic and I tried to save him. This just happened in April and I am trying to cope as best as I possibly can. It came as a surprise to everyone because he was such a happy person. I asked his friends if they saw any change to him and they all said he was fine. Happy as always. My therapist has declared me clinically depressed and having PTSD. My husband has turn to alcohol and I see what was once a happy thriving marriage falling apart. I just wish this was all a bad nightmare because I am so ready to wake up.

At 8:42am on August 15, 2015, Morgan said…: Thank you Zyn for responding to my friend request. I read the above post by you about your son who passed.
It's so painful isn't it! I haven't cried hard in a couple of days and I feel a bit quilty about it. My son was 30 and came by almost everyday - not sure if it was to visit or eat. I looked forward to hearing him come in the back and say "hey mom".
I do feel as if I've had after death visits from him though and the visits comfort me. I hope to get away for a week or two and maybe do some journaling and have a visit or two from my son. I haven't gone to any support groups yet. How about you?

At 9:03am on August 15, 2015, Zyn said…: I haven't gone to any support groups. I just don't think I am ready for that. I think It is one thing to talk to someone through the computer than to actually see them. I would love to have a visit from my son. It would comfort me so much. Maybe because I have so many questions. My son was my life and I feel so empty without him. Don't feel guilty about not crying. My therapist tells me it's part of the healing process, you will never forget your son or dishonor his memory you just start healing little by little. Believe me I go days without crying cuz I still think it's a horrible nightmare that I just want to wake up from. Or recently I just feel numb then boom I see someone doing something that reminds me of something my son did and then it will be days before I can get my act together again. Talking to people on here has helped me out because I put things "in writing" and I can express my feelings without judgement. I am very thankful for this group.

At 10:45am on August 15, 2015, Morgan said…: Zyn, I want to have a reading by a medium.
Yes, I can believe you have question????? especially when your son didn't talk about being depressed or not wanting to play the game of life anymore. Have you read any helpful books? The first book I read was We Don't Die by George Anderson. I had feelings surrounding my sons death. Feelings like he was very confused and was trying to get his body up. I would talked to him about how his body couldn't get up and asked Jesus and Angels to talk with him. My son died in someone's yard from a brain aneurysm. There was no with him. A few days later a women who doesn't live in the house anymore but was raised there came by my house and told me that her mother who passed on 13 years ago was with my son when he passed. She said that her mom wanted me to know that he wasn't alone. My son knew the women who passed. He used to talk with her when he was a boy - she would tell him stories. The book really helped me it validated the feelings I was having.

At 7:17pm on August 16, 2015, Zyn said…: My therapist has me reading the reality slap. It's ok but I am definitely gonna check out we don't die. Mostly what's been helping me is journaling. I write down all that I would of said to my son as if he was here with me. About a medium I would love to go to one maybe get some of my questions answered. I wish my grandmother was alive so that she could of read me her cards and tell me if he was ok.

At 9:47pm on August 16, 2015, Morgan said…: Zyn, would you like to tell me somethings about your son? You had mentioned he was 17. Sounds like you have a good therapist. I have a therapist also, but I only talk with her about once a month. I also do some journaling but not as much as I should. I'm going to write down questions that I have for my son. Hopefully I'll hear something from him through the medium. I do have a strong sense that he has things to say that I'm just not able to hear. Blessings

At 7:45pm on August 31, 2015, Zyn said…: Hey Morgan. Sorry I am now getting back to you. I had to leave the country for a family thing. If you wouldn't mind listening to me I would love to talk about my son. Maybe you can give me some perspective in his mental status. Cuz I am so confused about a lot of things still. It's been four months and I am still grieving if not more than I did that awful day. I feel as though my life has come to a stand still and I don't know what to do.

At 8:57pm on September 7, 2015, Morgan said…: Hi Zyn, I was out of town for a few weeks as well. I just checked to see if you had replied, so glad you did. You're my only friend on Greif Hope. I would be blessed to hear about your son. I don't know how much perspective I can give, but I can try. I'm getting my son's announcements ready to order and then send out. It's taken me this long to get around to putting it together and all the while I keep saying I shouldn't have to be doing this. I too cry everyday. He was my fix-it man so every time something goes wrong I say you would know how to fix this Dwight. I have a husband (Dwight's dad) but he is not gifted in the same areas. Think of you and looking forward to more correspondence.

At 11:02am on September 9, 2015, Zyn said…: I wrote you this long message and then of course what do I do I hit the wrong button. So I'm gonna try to remember as much as I can. I know I wrote that it was funny that Dwight was you go to man cuz Tyler was mine. He knew everything that had to do with electronics. We were always confused as to being brother and sister. Once we were at the bank and Tyler has a full beard and I remember the teller said "I think your husband is trying to get your attention" I looked around for my husband even asked Tyler is your dad here and the teller looked at me and said ma'am isn't that your husband, she was pointing to Tyler and we started to laugh so hard. I said no that's my son. Yesterday was really hard. Tyler was suppose to start senior year of high school. I used to fool around and say to him what am I going to do next year?? I'm gonna have empty nest syndrome. I have to start preparing myself cuz I'm gonna be moving where ever you go to college. Now I just feel empty. I keep going on my mind the if questions. If I hadn't gone to work that Saturday. If I hadn't left my bedroom door unlocked. If I hadn't gotten so busy at work. If I hadn't lost track of time. If I had just called him. If , if, if
That's what goes through my mind everyday. Now I just sit here in an empty house while my husband goes to work wondering what I could of done different.