lost without my papa.

[weegse]

August 29th 2013 was the day my life changed. The day a big piece of my heart left. The day that still makes my heart incredibly broken. The day that forever changed me. I don't feel like the same person anymore. I went from being an incredibly chipper fairly happy person to an anxiety ridden emotional wreck. My dad's year is around the corner. My first anniversary is coming up and I don't know how to feel. I have so much anger at times cos I'm so mad. I usually tell people he "ditched me" because I don't want to explain or say the actual words. My dad passed away. I lived in denial for so long, I don't really talk to anyone about how I feel because I feel like they won't understand anyways. I found this forum today and it was very comforting. I don't feel so alone now, I have an online place to go talk about how I feel now and if it's to people I don't know and that works out better for me, so be that. I was daddy's little girl. He had very high expectations of me and never wanted to see me fail at anything. I'm the oldest of 2 siblings. I'm 26 years old. Since dad has passed away, my siblings and I do not talk. If we do its a quick check in once every 5 months if that. We don't really get along and it's unfortunate because my sister is my rock. I'm completely lost without her and this is where we needed eachother most. She's very hostile now as for my younger brother. We are all in different stages and just pushed eachother away. A week after dad passed my sister found out she was pregnant. It's what she cried for for years was to be a mom. It was a blessing. Excited to find out she's going to be a mom but also just buried her father. My brother locks himself in his house and it's almost like he is reliving that day over and over. He's doing a little better but not much. My dad and him were working on his truck together before he passed. He talks about heading out to go soul searching and try out the hitch hiking thing. If that's what he wants to do though, I have to let him go. It hurts I'm not apart of their lives because we're all eachother has and everything just fell apart. I haven't been able to meet my niece yet but she sure looks beautiful. I need to stay constantly busy so apart of me wonders if I'm ignoring my grief. I got back into college and I'm a full time student for pre nursing. I also bartend and serve fulltime. That's how busy I need to be to not be sad pretty much. Summer break is here I'm lost without school and my emotions are full blown thru the roof. I have been hiding in my room for 2 days now because I just don't want to be bothered. I didn't even go to work tonight. I feel so alone so I'm hoping someone will visit me on here that knows what I'm going thru because here at home. ..nobody understands. I also moved to go to school so I'm living in a very small town with not too many friends which means. ..not alot of people to talk too. Any takers?

[Judy Davidson]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, Weegse.  My dad passed away when I was 9, so I have empathy with what you're going through.  I have 7 siblings and we never talked about it either.  It became the emotional current in my life for about 20 years.

My son was 4 when my husband passed away - we talk about him all the time time.  Communication is key to recovery.  Reach out to counselors and grief groups in your area.  YOu can find some through the Grief Share site.  The blog and forum posts from other members should help along with book recommendations.  The blog posts on the Home Page area great too.  There are scheduled chat sessions under Events and the room seems to have more people at night P.S.T.

Warm wishes to you that this site provides you Help for today and Hope for tomorrow.

Judy Davidson

Founding member

   

 

[dreammoon jo]

im so sorry weegse even u judy 

my anti it died lst wk got my mum & dad togetr she set thm both up on a blind date she did tht wz i 1971

th had me lte in lfe wn thy wear 38 my mum is so depreset she lost her hubby now her older sister my favret anti

it mom im tryn 2 medidtate a lot on off

i

[weegse]

Thank you guys for sharing. Means a lot. I have been in counseling since January so that has helped some, but sometimes it's not enough. I started antidepressants today to help as it was effecting my daily life. I don't like taking medicine at all, but I've tried every natural remedy. Sometimes we do need it to help us get better so I accepting that today and I'm trying it out.

[dreammoon jo]

dont let any 1 say get over it or hav a go at u i got told 2 get over its easy its not