Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

The one year anniversary of my brothers passing is coming up and all i seem to be able to do is just cry and hurt. I will check my messages thinking maybe he texted me and then it hits me all of a sudden and it feels like its killing me. I cant help but think of all he ever did for us and how he always tried to hang out with me but i just never compromised with him. I think what scares me the most is whether he really is in heaven or if hes just gone. Ill smell something or ill see something that reminds me of him and i wanna just break down and cry but i cant cause i dont want anyone to worry. Sometimes ill be at a store and ill see someone with tattoos on the same arm or a military uniform on and i have to look twice before i really believe that it wasn't him.

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