Help for today & Hope for tomorrow

My father passed away never proud of me.

I looked up to my father for 27 years of my life.
As the oldest child I just wanted to hear him say he loved me or that he was proud of my accomplishments. His work and success as a banker was all he ever looked at and seemed to talk about. He was never around for my birthdays but seemed to think spending big on gifts would make it better. I took up his highschool sport of Lacrosse at age 15 and I still remember when I was excited to tell him that I made the JV team but all he ever said was that if I wasn't even on a varsity team I shouldn't bother. I graduated with a degree in engineering several years ago and even then at my graduation all he told me was that I should start looking for a lifelong career and a place to live with a check made out for $3500. He passed away 4 weeks ago from cardiac arrest and left sums of money for me and my 2 brothers but all I've been thinking is how I've never been good enough for him and even up to now I don't see why his acceptance and approval was all I cared about. I loved him when he couldn't even say those words back.

0 members like this

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Judy Davidson on August 31, 2015 at 11:29pm

Gerald,

Welcome to Grief Hope Network and thank you for sharing your story and your feelings. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Even though he was unable to express it, I am sure that your father loved you and was quite proud of you for just being his son. You have made a BIG first step in reaching out to others who know how you feel. Grief always waits, so it's never too late to start the process of dealing and healing.

All members here have empathy for what you are going through. I'm recovering from the loss of my mother in February. My husband passed away in 2004 and I started this site to help others a few years ago. Please reach out to other members through the Network, Member Blogs and Forum Chats. The chat room tends to have more people in it at night. The Home Page has some good Blog Posts too. I pray the resources here provide Help for Today & Hope for Tomorrow. You take good care of yourself. BIG hug!

God bless,

Judy

Founding member

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Andre on September 6, 2015 at 8:34pm

I can relate I lost my father 3 years ago when I was 14

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Morgan on September 11, 2015 at 9:37pm

Sorry for the loss of your father and for all the words you needed him to say. Some people just find it hard to say loving words to the ones they care the most about. I bet your dad had that issue. I also bet he was proud of you and now wishes that he would have told you so.